I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
