dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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