apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
