i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
