she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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