it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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