She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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