I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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