there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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