He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize