So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
