it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
