don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
