Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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