Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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