I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
