Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
