If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
