I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
