you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
