My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
