areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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