cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
