yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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