Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
