Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
