i barfeds in our rink
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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