I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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