..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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