I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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