So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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