i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
