When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
