You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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