If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize