It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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