Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
