We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
