I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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