I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
