so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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