Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
