You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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