Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
