if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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