How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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