I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
