its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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