I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
