it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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