This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
