apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
