i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
