I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
