Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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