I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
