[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
