She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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