i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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