dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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