As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
